i don’t do cliches. i don’t want to write some pathetic thing about love and life without you. you are simply the happiness in my life.
when i’m not with you i realize how harsh and cold and terrible the world is.
and how bitter i am towards everything and anyone that isn’t you.
without you, i boringly sit in my room and waste life away while throwing stale chips in my mouth, thinking too much about what else in my life is stale and past their expiry date. this town. this life. this me. this pessimistic, self-loathing, pitiful excuse for a person.
i’m shallow and low and judgemental and currently under this false pretense that the older i get, the better people surrounding me will become. i think it’s simply.. the older i get, the less shit i take- and the bigger hermit i become, closing myself off with stone walls to every disgusting person who hurts me with words and every gray ugly piece of the world that the true pessimists dwell on. that’s not me.
that will never be me.
yet day after day, my once optimistic self is falling deeper into this whole of negativity; a lost cause. fall is fading and the winter is near. endless day after day of cold, damp, cloudyness. Ugliness and lack of inspiration. No beauty. No life. We’re all drab and gray and dressed down and nothing makes sense because i need sunshine. it’s tuesday night in this town and all you can do here is go see a movie, smoke some weed or wallow in self pity.. though the last two might walk hand in hand.
the stale chips are making my head ache further than it needs to. i’m tempted to endure the cold for a refreshing walk; relaxation.. but i fear every breath will just be a harsh intake that i am stuck.. here.. in this reality with this shittyness of a person that is me.. contrasting with the perfection that is you.